Jimmy Carr's Recent Tweets

1895 The Lumiere Brothers open the first cinema in Paris. Tickets are just 1 franc. But Le Popcorn costs une massive 8 francs.

Updated 28-Dec 13:44 via TweetDeck

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1826 Adelaide in Australia is established. If you want to know what it was like back then, visit it now.

Updated 28-Dec 10:22 via TweetDeck

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71 year old Cliff Richards calendar is one of this years top sellers. That's nice. But he’s now so old it only goes up to August.

Updated 27-Dec 20:02 via TweetDeck

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Suri Cruise apparently got £65,000 worth of Xmas pressies. Thank god dad Tom had a closet big enough to hide them all in.

Updated 27-Dec 19:12 via TweetDeck

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Dec 27 2001 China is granted normal trade relations with the United States. Dec 27 2011 China buys the United States.

Updated 27-Dec 18:35 via TweetDeck

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1979 The Soviet Union invades Afghanistan. Idiots. A cursory look at history would have told them how that would turn out.

Updated 27-Dec 17:55 via TweetDeck

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1831 Charles Darwin embarks on his journey aboard the HMS Beagle, on an epic mission to wind up creationists.

Updated 27-Dec 16:22 via TweetDeck

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The Big Fat Quiz is tonight on C4 at 9pm. Jamie Oliver, Miranda Hart & Eddie Izzard join veteran quizzers Ross, Walliams & Mitchell.

Updated 27-Dec 13:35 via Echofon

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1512 Spain issues rules governing the conduct of settlers with regards to native Indians in the New World. Basically. Kill em all.

Updated 27-Dec 13:35 via TweetDeck

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One theatre director said dwarf actors were ‘very, very expensive’. I mean, OK, you don’t get a lot for your money.

Updated 24-Dec 16:41 via TweetDeck

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An agent for dwarf actors said it ‘destroyed the magic’. They’re actually magic are they? I thought that was a myth.

Updated 24-Dec 16:32 via TweetDeck

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Theatres are getting child actors in Panto as they can’t afford dwarfs. Some might say it’s a small price to pay.

Updated 24-Dec 16:02 via TweetDeck

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Survey said ‘people carrier’ owners are more attractive to the opposite sex. Especially if the opposite sex has 5 kids and loads of shopping

Updated 24-Dec 14:00 via TweetDeck

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2000 people applied for just 11 jobs at DFS. Those who got the jobs are now substantially more comfortable.

Updated 24-Dec 13:13 via TweetDeck

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Poundland is to launch an online store. It’ll be the first store where it costs more for postage than the order.

Updated 23-Dec 18:15 via TweetDeck

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The Fire Brigade are telling people to get takeaways when drunk so they don’t cook. & they say the obesity message isn’t getting through

Updated 23-Dec 14:12 via TweetDeck

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Craig Revel-Horwood revealed he’s had his man-boobs liposuctioned off. I don’t think we should judge him. Oh no hang on… I’ll give them a 3

Updated 23-Dec 13:46 via TweetDeck

jimmycarr

'8 Out of 10 Cats Christmas Special' at 9pm on Channel 4 tonight with Micky Flanagan, Liza Tarbuck, Greg Davies & Jedward (Jesus wept)

Updated 23-Dec 13:19 via Echofon

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A Thai airline has employed ladyboy flight attendants. Good. Even if you don’t want them, it’s nice to have the choice of nuts on a flight

Updated 23-Dec 11:44 via TweetDeck

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There are fears that ferry company SeaFrance could go into liquidation. In that context is liquidation just a posh name for the sea?

Updated 22-Dec 18:59 via TweetDeck

jimmycarr

Frozen Planet's in trouble for filming polar bears in a zoo. With that voice David Attenborough could wear a bear costume + I wouldn’t care

Updated 22-Dec 17:58 via TweetDeck

jimmycarr

Look into my eyes, not around the eyes, you are feeling sleepy - go & buy Being Funny my new DVD - & you're back in the room. Worth a try.

Updated 22-Dec 15:10 via Echofon

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The BBC have been accused of faking scenes on Frozen Planet. Ofcom are also now investigating the Iceland Christmas adverts.

Updated 22-Dec 14:03 via TweetDeck

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Gordon Ramsey is to film his new show in Brixton prison. Cooking in Prison? I hope Alan Partridge gets the format rights.

Updated 22-Dec 11:24 via TweetDeck

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People got so drunk on ‘mad Friday’ paramedics were taking a call every 15s. In the end they just had to take Freddie Star’s phone off him.

Updated 21-Dec 20:02 via TweetDeck

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